We Want More Moore
In the wake of the Alabama's expected, surprising and overwhelming election of Roy Moore to the U.S. Senate next week, the Republican Party of Alabama has announced with elation that immediately following the celebration a new initiative will be launched to meet the demands of Alabama's Republican majority. In a press release this morning the Republican Party of Alabama announces that "We will immediately launch a campaign to reverse women's suffrage in the State of Alabama. Women have been voting for too long and the nation must realize that women voting has introduced chaos in our political system and is the cause of the rise of the Welfare State."
In addition, the announcement says that the Republican Party will be campaigning for the return of cotton plantations and the public auction of shackled slaves. "We need to return to the values and institutions that made this the great state that it is," said the Party announcement.
Asked how they will promote this, a spokesman for the Republican Party added that there is already an agreement with the White Evangelical Christian Churches of Alabama to widely support the new legislation in Sunday morning pulpit sermons. When asked if the Party thought this might cause some more left wing Alabamans to leave the state, a Party spokesman replied, "It might, but we anticipate an influx from Missouri as a result, possibly resulting in a net gain."